For some reason I still cannot comment on my posts. Very frustrating. It looks like some of you are getting through, though! I wanted to say that I really appreciated Muddy K's observation about being honest with myself rather than with Little Love. I think this is really true. Little Love has always known what is going on, even when I have not been admitting the truth to myself. I am fighting to change that. Sometimes it is really sobering to realize how backwards my thinking can still be. Actually, it's almost embarrassing. Like this whole agenda about Little Love "being muscular". Just two days ago both Becky and I were taking care of the horses at the same time. Becky was looking at Col with a critical eye and wondering if he was a bit overweight. We talked about perhaps giving him a little less feed. I said:
"I think Little Love is at a good weight right now."
Becky looked at me surprised. "Don't you think she is sort of skinny."
I pointed out to her that you could barely feel her ribs, let alone see them. In my opinion, a lot of "sport horses" are quite overweight. We are so used to seeing them all round and plump that we think that is what is the sign of a healthy horse. I shared this opinion with Becky and I could see that it made her think (although she didn't say anything to it). She looked at Little Love again and then said:
"You're right. I think what she is lacking is muscle."
You think? LOL. Of course she is right. Little Love is not the embodiment of a muscular horse. She does next to nothing when it comes to exercise. Yes, we walk. Yes, we occasionally play in the arena. But I have to face it, she is not "in shape" in the traditional sense of the word. But still, hearing it from Becky made me (yet again) want to take Little Love into the arena and start working her to death to create those ever important muscles that would make her look like a million bucks.
It's silly, I know. It is also something I need to work on, the image I have of her. What is more important to me: the mental health of my horse or the way she looks? BEcause, at this moment in time, those two are sort of juxtaposed. It's either or. I think I would rather have the mental health. And in the meanwhile work on my own fixation of what a horse should or shouldn't look like.
Also, I would like to comment on what Shelby said about my last post (concerning teaching Lilo's ex-owner) She used the words beautiful ending - and that is exactly how it felt. Beautiful AND like it was final. I can't even explain what it felt like to drive to Becky's place and see Little Love after that, I felt so light, as if a burden had been lifted. Somehow I think I might get that feeling again once we are safely in Finland. It's almost like I need to get this horse out of this country to truly give her a fresh start. I know so many things have changed already, but when we leave, she can start a new. Completely. Her reputation will not follow her, so to say. Does that make sense?