It's hard to describe the feeling I have when I am with Little Love now, it is so different than it ever was before. When she was at the other barn (and not mine), something that now seems lightyears ago, we had this strange connection. We would hang out together and I felt like she was so sad, so tired, but being with me brought a glimmer of light to her restricted, contained life. And now... she is nowhere near to being a free horse in the sense I understand freedom, but something colossal has shifted within her. What a difference little things can make, what massive consequences something like not having her blanket on all day can have.
There is so much more I want to offer her; the opportunity to live outside 24/7, the friendship of a whole herd, a foal? But for now, I give her what I can. I have lost that old connection, but I'm not sad or angry or frustrated, but rather honored, because it has been replaced by something else, something I don't even quite understand and that is still a seed, carefully planted in the tender soil of a new horse-human relationship.
I go to the barn every day and I muck out her stall. I fill up her water, I feed her, I put her out or take her in. Some people have been horrified to hear this, asking why I don't board her at some other barn where I don't have to work so hard. But I want to do all this work. It gives me peace like nothing else I know. Some days, when I am done working and have some extra time, I take a stool and just sit on the barn aisle while Little Love munches on hay (which she now has plenty of). And I am filled with gratitude towards life.
That connection is there, and will always be. What's wonderful is that right now, Lilo doesn't have to worry about you and what you need. You made her believe she can have a life again, and she's trying it. She needs time to find her way back (and forward) to the horse she's always been, the one only you could see. You are giving her that space. All in three weeks. Just, wow.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful. Little Love is finding her horsiness and that is such a gift, one she may never have had. Muddy K said it eloquently... "Wow"...
ReplyDeleteExactly, all in THREE weeks. Has it really ONLY been three weeks?? I can't believe it because she has already changed so much and keeps changing. Every time I go see her, I wonder what kind of a horse is going to be there to greet me! This is like watching a mystery novel unwind from the back stage position. What will there still be to solve and discover? And the strange thing is that her life has not changed THAT much. I mean, she is still living in a stall, for example. All this is making me wonder what horses (all horses) would be like had they the opportunity to live outside 24/7 with a bunch of other horses. Wow is the right word, that pretty much sums up what I'm feeling on a daily basis :-)
ReplyDeleteI cannot wait to hear all the stories you'll get to tell after Lilo is "ready" to teach you (and all of us readers) again!
ReplyDeleteMy "things to do"-list is quite the same as yours when I go the barn (except for taking horses in or out) and people seem to be so sorry that I cannot ride my horses, I only have to do those "boring things" :D