Finding My Balance

The weather seems to have changed again and the evening was really warm (I was in a t-shirt). This is a welcome change from the fall weather we were experiencing a few days ago. Monday all the horses seemed extra alert and energetic, and it reminded me of the times in Switzerland when snow covered the mountain tops for the first time in the fall; even if the horses didn't live in the mountains, they could "smell" the snow. They would do "Arab impersonations" in their individual paddocks with their tails straight up in the air and their nostrils like dinner plates. Riding was nearly impossible for two or three days, at least in Little Love's case.

Despite being "on the edge" a bit on Monday, Little Love managed to hold herself together while I trimmed her hooves in the barn. Even though all the other horses were outside in the paddock, she stood still and allowed me to pick up her feet and do my thing. I believe she has never cooperated with trimming this well, it was amazing. It really took everything she had to stay still because after the trim, she literally ran out of the barn and pranced around like the Arab I was talking about earlier. The tarps in the neighbor's yard, which she hadn't even looked at the day before, were suddenly transformed into horse eating monsters. When I let her loose in our makeshift arena, she trotted around nervously and even tried a few bucks! My dog Chai often behaves the same way when I clip her nails; she holds perfectly still for the procedure, but afterwards will run around like a maniac. The built up steam has to go somewhere, I suppose!

Tonight Little Love and I joined Metku and her owner on a trail "ride" (Metku's owner rode, I walked). It was the first time Metku's owner rode outside in a bitless bridle (LG bridle) so she seemed a bit nervous. Little Love on the other hand was very, very calm. In fact, she was walking so slowly in the beginning that I thought she would fall asleep. Her strategy worked though, as her presence seemed to calm both Metku and her owner significantly. Soon we were all creeping down the road together :-)

We walked towards the lake and then turned around to come back. I suggested a short trot and Metku's owner agreed. Little Love and I ran ahead and all was well until Metku decided to pass us. Her owner did nothing to stop her. I think the lady has never tried running next to a big horse at the trot, because if she had, she wouldn't have dreamed of passing me. Or she has infinite trust in my ability to keep up with a 16.2 hh horse... Little Love immediately upped her pace and soon we were flying down the road. Good thing I practice sprinting on my own sometimes! I finally asked Little Love to slow down, because I couldn't keep up with her and was afraid I would fall behind completely (my rope is only so long!). She did slow down, but obviously wanted to run after Metku, too. I was about to call out to Metku's owner but luckily she slowed down on her own at that moment... She was so excited about the trot (her first trot in a bitless ever apparently) that I didn't have the heart to tell her to never pass me like that. Next time we trot together, I will be sure to talk about this BEFORE we pick up the trot :-) LOL

As the sun was setting behind the trees, all four of us came back to the barn happy and relaxed. I have been quite stressed out this week, but again my time tonight with Little Love really helped bring life back into perspective. The next two weeks will be quite hectic as we are finalizing our move (i.e. finally moving into our house), but it's good to know that my horse will always help me find my balance if I loose it. I went home in a completely different state of mind than when I left it to go to the barn. I think at moments like these even my husband thanks his lucky stars for Little Love!

Leading the way

Tonight when I arrived to the barn, the barn owner and Metku's owner were getting ready to go for a trail ride.  They were both tacking up with saddles and bridles, but told me they would really only walk, since this was Metku's first time off the property so if I wanted to join in-hand, I could.  I asked Little Love what she thought and she was ready to go as well.  So, we put on the boots quickly and slipped on the halter and off we went. 

Because neither Kira nor Metku wanted to leave the yard first, Little Love and I took the lead.  Lilo walked in the front confidently, leading the way as if she had always done just that; lead the way.  From Metku's owner's request, we decided to stay on the wider roads instead of venturing onto the narrow paths in the forest.  This, of course, sounded good to me, since I know how much Little Love is afraid of the forest.  We walked down to the first intersection and turned right onto the dirt road.  Kira was significantly slower than the other two horses, so we waited for her every now and then. 

We were an impressive sight as we walked with three black horses all the way to the end of the road, which is about a mile and a half from the barn.  Many of the neighbors were out on walks as well and there were lots of "oohs" and "aahs" when we strode by with our black mare entourage.  The sun was setting in a mostly clear sky and the night was so very still; what a perfect evening for a long walk.  The barn owner told us about the lake nearby and suggested we explore the road leading to the lake.  This route is off limits for cars, but luckily horses can get past the metal gate set up in the middle of the road.  We made our way down the field, dove into the forest and hiked up a winding (but not narrow! :-) mossy path until we were near the lake.  Then we turned around  and came back down the same way we had gone up. 

Little Love was amazing.  She walked on my side, slowing down if she noticed I was falling behind.  She stopped from voice cues only.  She waited for her friends politely.  The only time she became anxious was when we turned around in the forest and started heading home.  At first I thought it was because we were going home and because there were some knats buzzing under her stomach, but once we passed the last tall fir tree and came into the clearing, she immediately calmed down.  Obviously it was a bit too many trees for her :-)  But despite her anxiety, she never took a trot step nor did I have the feeling of totally losing control.  She merely walked fast, at times scrambling over tree roots without exactly looking where she was placing her feet.  I had to pull on her face a few times to ask her to stop, as I could not keep up with her (not to mention waiting for Metku and Kira...).  But after that part of the walk was over, she was back to her considerate self.  Her brave self.  Her confident self.  Now I know why we had to struggle so many times on trail rides years ago: so that we could both appreciate this life we now have. 

Infiltrator

With her persistence and "passive manipulation" Little Love seems to have gained some sort of status in the herd.  She is no longer standing alone further away, but is most of the time hanging on the "edges" of the group.  When Manta tries to chase her, Lilo takes two half-hearted steps and then turns to look at Manta with her ears pinned back.  Even when she gets pushed out by Kira, Lilo doesn't go as far as she used to.  When the other horses put pressure on her, she moves, but she doesn't really move away, but rather walks around, to get into a better position.  I guess you could say that she is "making the impression of moving" rather than actually doing it :-)

Here Little Love is thinking about getting into the "sweet spot".  She is no longer under "her tree", but a lot closer.  Manta is still making sure she is between Lilo and Kira.

The two horses are obviously allowing Little Love to come much closer to the cover than before.

Here Little Love is in the background.  She does this "infiltration" in such a subtle way that sometimes it really takes a while for the other two to even realize she is there.  Or perhaps they no longer care?  Today when I was watching the herd for a while, it was mostly Manta who tried to chase Little Love away.  Emphasis on the word "try" as it looks like Little Love is not really allowing Manta to chase her.  And rather than chasing Lilo away, Kira would chase Manta, who would then take it off on Lilo.  In a week the fourth horse, a Friesan mare, will arrive.  That will shuffle up the pack all over again.  It will be very interesting to see that! 

I took Little Love out for a little walk today.  I wanted to see what would happen if we walked down the forest path without another horse.  It didn't go that well.  Ten points for Little Love for the effort though!  To get on the path you have to walk in between these big, black garbage cans and green mailboxes.  She did that part fine, but once we were surrounded by trees, she panicked.  She started running, wanting to race through the forest rather than walk through it.  She nearly stepped on me and I ended up in the bush, getting partly dragged.   I had to really assert myself to get her to stop.  Once I got her attention (by swinging the rope around in front of her face, but before that I had to pull on her hard one time... not something I do lightly), I turned her around.  We managed to get out of the scary forest at a walk, sort of.  So, our very first forest walk was about 20 yards long (well, 40, if you count the way back). 

Once Lilo was on the road, her panic went from a 70 to about a 40.  We walked down the hill, but I could feel her anxiety starting to rise again, so I turned her back home.  I stopped her several time on our way back and at first she wasn't really listening to my voice, but after about three stops, she started to calm down.  This "stopping drill" seems to help her self-regulate her anxiety.  Years ago, when I first met her, her anxiety would go from 0 to 100 in a second and once it did, there was nothing, absolutely nothing, that would bring it down apart from putting her in her stall.  And even in the stall it would take a while.  So, if she "lost it" during a trail ride, you just had to somehow hold on to her and get her home (preferably not at a canter). 

Now her anxiety can get quite high, but she can manage it and actually lower it without going home immediately.  Certain familiar things, like stopping and backing up gently, may help her regulate the emotions.  I often have treats in my pocket (I did today) and when she stops from my voice cue only, I say "Good Girl" and then give her a treat.  Eating a treat and the familiar pattern (cue to stop, stopping, "good girl"(conditioned secondary reinforcer), treat, walking again) sooths her and soon I notice her breathing get calmer.  By the time we got to the barn today, she was at a 10 on her anxiety scale so I stopped on the road and waited.  She spun around me a few times, obviosly thinking of her friends in the paddock; she couldn't see them, but she could hear them calling to her.  I focused on my breathing and a minute later she started grazing. 

I am so proud of her and happy she can manage to go from a 70 (out of a 100) panic attack to 0 within just ten minutes.  And all this while walking down the road "alone" (no other horses).  Each time we manage this, it is a testimonial of our trust.  I think it has changed her life in more ways I could ever imagine.  She is no longer immediately afraid of new things, but will rather "wait and see", or even investigate.  I think a big part of being able to do that, is being able to deal with your emotions, whatever they are.  

I will be going to Switzerland tomorrow for four days to finalize packing the house and meeting up with our movers.  My friend Melissa is going to visit Little Love and start her own journey with my wise mare.  I can't wait to hear what she has to say about the connection she builds with Little Love, I have a strong feeling that those two will be great together.  I have no doubt that Little Love has a few lessons in store for my dearest friend :-)    I'll keep you posted!

PS. Here are two pictures from Germany, from the barn that was built into a II WW bunker.  I was finally able to get them off my camera and onto the computer.  Just thought you might be interested in seeing them, since it was a pretty special place!




The "aisle" of bunkers



Bunker no 227, Little Love's home for two weeks

   

Happy trails, not so happy feet

Yesterday morning Kristiina, who owns Kira and manages the barn, took us (Lilo, Melissa, my two dogs and me) on an introductory tour of the forest.  There are lots of trails and although she has made a map of them all, it was good to have a guide when we ventured out for the first time.  Also, Little Love was definitely calmer with Kira leading the way. 

The trail was literally a small path in the forest.  Little Love is not a big fan of narrow paths, as she gets uncomfortable when branches and other vegetation touch her behind.  Maybe it's some form of claustrophobia or perhaps it reminds her of something that happened long time ago.  It was also fairly warm and the bugs were out.   But, considering all that, Little Love did extremely well in the forest.  Given, she wanted to be as close as possible to Kira, which made it a tad challenging for me, since I was walking, too.  We managed some sort of balance, although there were moments when I was taking the "off road" route next to the path...

Twenty minutes later we popped out of the forest onto a narrow dirt road.  Little Love was pleased and since she has such a long stride, she took the lead confidently, leaving Kira to trail behind.  The dirt road definitely worked better for me, too, since now we could walk side by side without a problem.  I will need to practice walking together on the path, so that I can walk ahead safely, instead of having to scramble on the side.  I was very proud of Lilo, though, as she crossed two small bridges without even blinking an eye!  She also figured out how to walk with her boots on around rocks and roots, although a she stumbled a few times with her front feet; the boots are sort of bulky and probably don't give her the feeling she needs to have the precision needed in the forest.

We walked back to the barn in 20 minutes, every now and then stopping for some grass.  As we passed several Ys in the road, Kristiina told us where they all lead to, so that we could go explore on our own as well.  She also said Melissa and I could take Kira with us any time.  This is great news, since I know how much more comfortable Lilo will be in the beginning if another horse goes with us.  I'm really looking forwards to exploring the trails; it looks like you can go on for hours!

Little Love was definitely tired when we got back to the barn.  She hasn't walked that long in one go since I walked her in Germany two and a half weeks ago (seems like a lifetime ago!).  She still looks fairly skinny and I talked to Kristiina about maybe giving her some more hay as well as the "müsli" (grain).  The bugs are so relentless this time of the year that the horses tend to be moving all the time, which means Little Love isn't prone to gain much weight.  I have been putting on her fly mask for the past few days and despite all the trees she rubs herself on, it has stayed on her head.  The mask helps her so much, since she gets really upset when the horse flies go at her head.  I'm happy a friend of mine gave us some fly spray that actually works, looks like Lilo has the least amount of bugs on her out of the three horses!

Tonight when I went to the barn, it was still really hot and muggy.  All horses were in the pasture, which is great, since that means Little Love is eating grass as well.  When I took her out of the paddock, though, I was sort of shocked to see her feet.  Her hooves have not been in the greatest shape, but now they were absolutely thrashed as if she had run a marathon on them in the past 24 hours.  Even the back hooves that looked semi-decent were torn on the edges.  Kristiina's daughter showed up to feed and she told me that the horses were running around last night because of the bugs.  The ground is really hard and dry, so it looks like Lilo's hooves took a beating.  Yikes.  I think I need to start keeping boots on her all the time for the time being if I want her to have any hooves left to stand on.  She didn't seem too bothered by the state of her feet.  I put her in her stall and once she settled down a bit, managed to soak her left front for exactly 13 minutes.  It's a start, but obviously not enough.  Soaking is going to be a challenge, as she needs to stand still.  Because of the bugs, the only place where this is possible is in the stable, but she still doesn't feel so comfortable in there, even when the horses are inside.  

I have connected with a trimmer I trust, now we just have to figure out when she can come as she has quite a drive to get to where we are at (but she is willing to do it, which makes me happy!).  I'll be gone a few days in Switzerland next week (tying off some loose ends, so to say), but perhaps the week after that.  If I can keep the boots on her feet for a week, maybe there will be something to trim?  Wishful thinking.  Perhaps I could find something feed her that would make her feet grow faster...